the library

I had a dream about you last night.
We went to a library-
there was some party in the back but we kept to ourselves in the shelves.

It felt so nice–
we were finally flirty,
finally so playful!
There was an ease and joy that every encounter
always seemed to lack.

But even still,
we were nothing.
You only wanted the physical-
wanted to see others even, together.

I got it, then.
But I hated it, too.

Even in my own sleep-filled stories you do not really want me.
Only in dreams do we have a spark.

And I know now,
I know–
this is the way it had to be.

saying my name

photo poem saying my name.png

You never said my name,
not really.
Just once out loud the last time I saw you,
just once in text to say goodnight.
I think it scared you–
it held too much power.
To say my name,
to hold it in your mouth and
let it flow over your tongue
and past your lips,
would mean I was inside you,
a part of you.
And you, who are too full of yourself already,
couldn’t bring yourself to make any room for another,
especially one so vast,
galaxies and universes swirling inside,
full of form and possibility,
while you were nebulous at best.

You couldn’t say my name and it’s no surprise–
to say it, to get that close,
it would consume you,
burn you to ash.
I am too much for you,
with or without a name.

sorry

Cant Fight Love

I should have known it was doomed
the night I came home
and all thoughts of you were interrupted
with thoughts of someone else.

I knew it was precarious, then,
that the excitement of this new
was overshadowed with
lingering feelings of the old.

Nothing ever realized, actualized,
but still in the background
all my hopes were given new life,
and you were lost in the undertow.

I wouldn’t have given you up for the tide,
but you cut yourself loose.
And now I’m drifting,
pointing my compass,
following that star
away from here
away.

I’m sorry

in reality,
you never stood a chance.

good things

you can’t rush the
good things.
No matter how much
you wish
you were at the point
where you could confidently
place your hand on his
trousers
and gently
——-but firmly
rub him–
already knowing every way
to make him
squirm

This was inspired by a Faith47 video piece I saw on Instagram. Check it out:

Curves.

A video posted by FAITH XLVII (@faith47) on Jan 2, 2017 at 7:13am PST

(find it here, if the above isn’t working)

arrogance

I don’t know what you thought this was
but it was far from love.

My midnight confession was only a fact-
a simple admission,
not a heaping of meaning on anything more
than just a good feeling.

I’m no moon-eyed school girl
looking up at you
in admiration.

I’m a grown ass woman
who doesn’t need
your validation.

I hope that you and your ego will be happy
together.

As for me?

I’ll be just fine.

-bb

Just some things I never got to say. Some thoughts that came way too late.
I wish you all the best-
It was short, fun, and
you’re nice enough, but there’s still learning to do.
I don’t hold anything against you.
Just never forget, I’m gonna be just fine-
Already, I am.

Hell yeah! That felt good.

the choice

I wanted to kiss you –
I should have done.
But something held me back.
It was me, really, all along,
too afraid of the cleaner truth –
That forging connection
is more fearful and more
difficult
Than facing the world alone

It’s time to get out of your comfort zone, self.

Hasn’t it always been worth it before?