draw blood

I wish I could recreate you with pen strokes,
turn paper and ink
into blood and bone,
punctuation and diction
to muscle and nerve.
Death never seems fair
but this,
this sticks —
If I could write you to life,
spine become spine,
binding to skin,
margin and gutter
to sense and sinew,
cover to cover
your book would already be filled.

I would hold you in my hands,
feel your weight, your smell,
and then maybe
I could feel
that there is hope–
we are not all
lost

-dm

kiss hard

I’ve tried to trap you in words,
tried to describe what it meant,
who you were
to someone
that never even knew you.
Regret that never
moves far from the surface.
If I could do it again
I’d probably be just the same,
or, maybe, sadder,
more distant,
because I’d already know
the ending.

-dm

something to lose

I’m constantly afraid
I’ll bore you.

I’m afraid I’m a terrible conversationalist and that you’ll find me shallow and vapid. I’m afraid of saying all the wrong things and scaring you away.

It’s so sweet that
you were nervous.

I was too.

I like knowing  that, you too, feel
there is something
to lose.

Sunrise

Azorean sunset
Sunset in the Azores 2014

Long story short:
the sun will set,
there will be dark and
silence and separation.
But sunrise,
it will come again,
and time will be yours
to master.

I remember seeing a phrase in a catalog when I was younger, etched into a bracelet, and it has stuck with me since:

“Sunrise, sister. It all comes back to this.”

I don’t know if it’s from anything specifically, a movie, book, or TV show, but it resonates with me a lot.

I always wanted to have a physical reminder of it, but haven’t actually seen it anywhere since that catalog. I also wasn’t so sure I’d want it on a bracelet anyway (I rarely wear them – let my arms be FREE), or on a t-shirt (I can’t wear the same shirt every day), or anything at all really. But it occurs to me, that something that holds so much meaning for me – and has done for years – could make a really great tattoo.

Just a thought. I love tattoos and have always wanted one.

This might not be such a bad place to start.

xs

Selfish people

screenshot_20170124-06550301

Saw this on Instagram this morning, and I swear, sometimes it’s as if Rupi Kaur has tapped into my world and knows exactly what I need. This was one of those days.

“i will tell you about selfish people. even when they know they will hurt you they walk into your life to taste you because you are the type of being they don’t want to miss out on. you are too much shine not to be felt.”

This also makes me think of pedestals and those who will try to put you on them. The only thing that can happen is to fall.

“when they realize how real this is. how much of a storm you are and it hits them. that is when the cowardice sets in. that is when the person you thought they were is replaced by the sad reality of what they are.”

I have been selfish. I think we all are sometimes. But I do not believe I have ever done this to another person. It’s not worth gambling an entire being.

“isn’t it sad and funny how people have more guts these days to undress you with their fingers than they do to pick up the phone and call.”

Who are these people that can be so bold and yet so spineless at the same time?

I have known people like this, but never seen such an apt and lyrical description.

I have so much love and adoration for Rupi Kaur and her way with words. And yet – still! – I don’t have Milk and Honey. Soon! Soon. I’ve heard such beautiful things about it; I’m really looking forward to it.

Til next time.

xs

good things

you can’t rush the
good things.
No matter how much
you wish
you were at the point
where you could confidently
place your hand on his
trousers
and gently
——-but firmly
rub him–
already knowing every way
to make him
squirm

This was inspired by a Faith47 video piece I saw on Instagram. Check it out:

Curves.

A video posted by FAITH XLVII (@faith47) on Jan 2, 2017 at 7:13am PST

(find it here, if the above isn’t working)